It's a cool, rainy, Sunday afternoon. Wonderful time for a nap, although I'm resisting! Yesterday I felt like I had been run over by a truck; today is some better. Skipped most of the housecleaning routine this weekend in the hope of regaining some energy before Monday morning.
I suspect much of my fatigue stemmed from the physical exertion of my first full week back at work, along with the mental confusion at unexpected caustic remarks. While I had thought I was doing great by speeding up my treatments by taking higher doses, apparently some of my co-workers actually thought I was prolonging my absence. I am unsure if the resentment I felt was real or mistakenly perceived, but there was no question about the comments. I was stunned.
I had gone back to work excited, with a determination to better handle stress and politics. By the time I left Friday afternoon, I was discouraged and physically and emotionally drained. Positive thoughts were replaced with dark, negative energy.
If I want to continue to heal, to regain strength, I must find a way to dispel the dark and once again embrace the light. I'm not sure how to accomplish that. Perhaps I am overly-sensitive. Perhaps next week will be better.
Holy Father,
Shield me with your strength.
Divine Mother,
Surround me with your peace.
Help me have a forgiving heart.
Help me remain steady in the brightness of your light
And not succumb to the swirling darkness.
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I'm so sorry that you first week back at work was not what you expected. Rarely in life do we get what we expect. Unfortunately, this time you are in an already weakened state and it has drained you more than normally. I don't know what people were thinking to make negative remarks.
ReplyDeleteDeep breath: Let them keep their negativity; it is their problem, not yours. It will no longer effect you. You have deep strength in you. You will prevail.
Judy: Thank you. Your words give me a mental image of repelling the darkness. This week is going better, both physically & emotionally. People do not always understand & often speak from their own fear. I have also been guilty of not comprehending and speaking too harshly.
ReplyDeleteGlad this week is better for you...I've had a few negative weeks lately myself...reached a point where it's difficult to relax properly...seems there is always something that needs to be dealt with...It won't last forever...I'll survive...
ReplyDeleteJudy: Wouldn't it be wonderful if our minds and hearts could find rest even in the midst of turmoil? The closest I've ever come to that has been feeling the arms of our loving Divine Mother envelop me. Let us pursue a balance of unavoidable stresses and a peacefulness within.
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