Yesterday I saw Dr B, the plastic surgeon who's doing my reconstruction. He says everything is looking great .. I thought so too! He says I'm ready for the last step in my reconstruction .. tattooing. I'm excited. It's my last procedure. Oh, there'll be follow-ups, and probably touch-ups, but it's the last step in restoring my body.
I realized something a couple of weeks ago. One of the reasons I decided to go the reconstruction route was when I finally admitted I was avoiding looking in the mirror. Or when I did, a sense of mourning overwhelmed me. Since I've had the nipple reconstruction, and the shape tweaked a bit, I not only no longer avoid the mirror, I actually stand and admire. Even when I still had stitches. The shape was so much better with the little poochie place I hated removed, and the addition of nipples makes me look more 'human'. I still have quite obvious scars but they are finally beginning to start fading. As odd as it sounds, I admire the scars as much as I do my new breasts. The scars are a reminder of where I've been, of the strength that surfaced from deep inside me, of my new appreciation for life, of my finally finding direction, of having joy after many years of sadness.
If I could go back and change the last two years, I'm not certain I would.