Sunshine & Rain .. Peace & Nightmares

Last weekend I had the most wonderful time with friends in a cabin in North Carolina. Days with shopping the cozy shops in Boone & Blowing Rock, and viewing one of the awesome fresco paintings at Holy Trinity Episcopal Church in Glendale Springs. Nights were listening to the rain & sitting by the fire, cuddling, sharing philosophical thoughts, breathing in the quiet peacefulness.

During that wonderful weekend however, an old demon returned to haunt me .. a recurring nightmare that propels me into a screaming fit in my sleep. I woke up everyone in the cabin before I could get myself awake. Usually that happens when I'm either over-heated or over-stressed, and this time I was neither. I was comfy, felt safe and secure, and was very relaxed. The only explanation I can come up with is an explosive release of residual stress. I suspect I darn near caused a coronary.

If I promise to behave next time, can we go again ?

Please please please.

Holy Father, thank you for the love of friends.
Help me return the love I have so generously been given.

Divine Mother, thank you for the beauty of the mountains.
Help me see your face in both the sunshine and the rain.

Girlie Weekend

I had the wonderful delight of spending time with my sister & niece last weekend. We ran away to a cabin in the mountains of northern Georgia for a 'girlie' weekend. Giggles & shopping, wine & a fire (in the fireplace not the kitchen), cookies & quiet heart-to-heart talks, dancing in pj's & peaceful rest.

During chemo, we had talked about how much we wanted to go to Helen, Ga, but I wasn't sure I would ever have enough energy to do that again, at least not for a very long time. It was amazing.

I still don't have my full strength back, but I seem to be able to tell a difference every week. I have fuzzy hair and eyelashes, I'm making it through the work-day much better, and I've even been able to do a few things after work several days.

I'm rediscovering my faith and seem to be finding a new niche. As bizarre as it sounds, I am a much happier little girl since surgery/chemo.

Life is good. I'm excited about it for the first time in a very long time.

Holy Father, thank you for the refreshing of my spirit.
Blessed Mother, thank you for the calming of my soul.

Spring!

I am excited for spring for a variety of reasons. I usually like the cold winter weather, but I am looking forward to spring's warmth, to be able to sit on my deck and watch the delightful birdies who visit my feeders. I feel like I've come through a cold season in my life, not because of breast cancer, but because of a closing of my heart for very many years. The breast cancer was my awakening of how valuable life truly is, a realigning of priorities, and a realization that I do need others. I seem to be in a season of transition, of wanting to move forward, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. As our Divine Mother clothes the earth in the beauty of springtime, I sense a renewal of my own spirit. And I'm excited!

Another one of my favorite things ...

Go ahead and stand up .. you know you're gonna have to dance!



Baby take off your coat
Real slow
Take off your shoes
I'll take off your shoes
Baby take off your dress
Yes, yes, yes

You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

Go over there, turn on the light
Hey, all the lights
Come over here, stand on that chair
Yeah, that's right
Raise your arms up in the air
Now shake 'em
You give me reason to live
You give me reason to live
You give me reason to live
You give me reason to live

Sweet darling, (you can leave your hat on)
You can leave your hat on
Baby, (you can leave your hat on)
You can leave your hat on
(You can leave your hat on)

(You can leave your hat on)

Suspicious minds are talkin'
They're tryin' to tear us apart
They don't believe in this love of mine
They don't know what love is

They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
Yeah, I know what love is

There ain't no way
(You can leave your hat on)
You can leave your hat on
(You can leave your hat on)
Give me the reason to live
(You can leave your hat on)
You can leave your hat on

A Prayer for the First Sunday of Lent

Holy Father, help me renew my faith in you.
Help me cease my judgment of others,
Turning instead to inspect my own life, my own faults.
Holy Father, help me grow in your Spirit.

Divine Mother, help me share your kindness.
Help me replace the emotion of hate
With the virtue of forgiveness.
Divine Mother, help me be an oasis to others, as you are to me.

And that's ok ...

I didn't realize it was Valentine's Day until this afternoon. It's been a little over ten years since I heard the words 'I love you' (other than family & very close friends). And that's ok.

I've loved in my lifetime, perhaps one time too many. I recognize that I'm not likely to love again .. closed hearts rarely re-open. And that's ok.

I once described my heart as residing in an inner chamber in a stone fortress. Very few are invited in. It's cool, it's protected. And that's ok.

On this Valentine's Day, I celebrate the love I see in others. I don't look for a 'great love'; I hold in my heart the joy of loves-past. And that's ok.

Holy Father, strengthen my fortress that I may remain content and happy with my life.
Divine Mother, help me to reflect the love of others and display your gentleness and kindness.

My Cup-Holder's Broken

Today when I switched cd's in my computer from Johnny Lang to Ladysmith Black Mambazo, I remembered something a former co-worker had done many years ago. You have to understand that when I first started working we stamped bills paid with a rubber stamp and had paper cards for every customer that were kept in bins that circled around like a Ferris wheel. We eventually got 'terminals' that were connected to the company network & we could access the customer accounting system (two of us shared one terminal). Thennnnn we got pc's. Wow.

The lady that entered our payroll had never used a pc before, and she found it was apparently shoddy-built because her cup holder didn't last anytime at all. I remember the look on the IT tech's face when she called him & he came careening around the corner to see what the heck she was talking about. Yep .. she had been putting her Pal's tea (for those of you not from the south, that's a 32 oz styrofoam cup full of the best iced tea you've ever had) in the cd drive tray. It cracked. When it cracked, it poked her cup and her precious tea was leaking. Confounded pc.

'You've got to be kidding me', he asked with wide eyes. She replied, 'Absolutely not; I've used this thing less than a month & it's already broken!' With tight lips he unhooked her computer and carried it off to replace the cd drive. I heard him mutter as he huffed around the corner ... 'some people just don't need a computer!'.

Every now and then, when I see him in the hallway I can't resist saying, 'Hey Bill, I think my cup-holder's broken!'.